{"id":69,"date":"2015-12-29T15:47:57","date_gmt":"2015-12-29T15:47:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ozananitulescu.ro\/blog\/?p=69"},"modified":"2017-04-07T10:19:04","modified_gmt":"2017-04-07T07:19:04","slug":"acceptarea-de-sine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ozanamiron.ro\/blog\/acceptarea-de-sine\/","title":{"rendered":"Acceptarea de sine (ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine, de exemplu)"},"content":{"rendered":"

N-am mai scris niciun articol de la sf\u00e2r\u0219itul lui octombrie. \u00cencepusem s\u0103 scriu despre congruen\u021b\u0103<\/a>, av\u00e2nd \u00een plan o serie de trei articole pe aceast\u0103 tem\u0103. Nu am renun\u021bat la plan. Dar am renun\u021bat – de data aceasta – de la a scrie un articol pe care s\u0103-l fi preg\u0103tit cu mult timp \u00eenainte. De data asta, vreau pur \u0219i simplu s\u0103 scriu, chiar dac\u0103 simt c\u0103 n-am mai deschis de mult timp bagajul meu de cuno\u0219tin\u021be s\u0103 v\u0103d ce e pe acolo \u0219i ce \u0219i cum ar trebui re\u00eemprosp\u0103tat. De fapt, despre asta cred c\u0103 va fi acest articol: despre nevoia mea de a fi c\u00e2t mai preg\u0103tit\u0103, de a m\u0103 prezenta \u00eentr-un mod c\u00e2t mai aproape de ce \u00een\u021beleg eu ca \u201eperfect\u201d (mereu o no\u021biune vag\u0103), \u0219i despre ce creeaz\u0103 asta \u00een via\u021ba mea. Dar \u0219i despre alternativ\u0103: s\u0103 m\u0103 accept a\u0219a cum sunt.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Sunt mai multe lucruri care \u00eemi vin acum \u00een minte. Sunt \u00eenc\u0103 sub imperiul prezent\u0103rii lui Bren\u00e9 Brown f\u0103cut\u0103 la TED despre puterea vulnerabilit\u0103\u021bii<\/a>. Mai are una, despre ru\u0219ine, la fel de p\u0103trunz\u0103toare \u0219i important\u0103. Cu prima ocazie, o s\u0103-mi cump\u0103r (una dintre) c\u0103r\u021bile ei.<\/span> Practic, spune c\u0103 sim\u021bim ru\u0219ine despre cine suntem \u0219i asta ne pune \u00een contact cu vulnerabilitatea noastr\u0103 (am descoperit acum, cu surprindere, c\u0103 acest cuv\u00e2nt nu are plural \u00een limba rom\u00e2n\u0103).\u00a0Dar a ne accepta vulnerabilitatea este tocmai ceea ce ne face de fapt s\u0103 fim curajo\u0219i, s\u0103 avem compasiune \u0219i leg\u0103turi reale, semnificative, profunde cu al\u021bi oameni. Mai spune c\u0103 singura diferen\u021b\u0103 dintre oamenii care au un sim\u021b al propriei valori (a\u0219a au tradus cei care au f\u0103cut subtitr\u0103rile \u201esense of worthiness\u201d) \u0219i care simt iubire \u0219i apartenen\u021b\u0103, \u0219i oamenii care se zbat pentru ele const\u0103 \u00een faptul c\u0103 primii cred c\u0103 sunt demni de iubire \u0219i apartenen\u021b\u0103. \u00cen fine, prezentarea este cu totul minunat\u0103. Senza\u021bia pe care mi-o las\u0103 (\u0219i care persist\u0103) este c\u0103\u00a0Bren\u00e9 Brown spune \u00een dou\u0103zeci de minute tot ce este de spus, vreodat\u0103, despre orice. \ud83d\ude42<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Despre ea am aflat \u00een r\u0103stimpul \u00een care n-am scris pe blog, de la ni\u0219te oameni care mi-au devenit foarte dragi. Am f\u0103cut parte dintr-un \u201eencounter group\u201d care a \u021binut o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103. Sincer, no\u021biunea de \u201eencounter group\u201d merit\u0103 un articol aparte, dar p\u00e2n\u0103 m\u0103 mobilizez eu s\u0103-l scriu m\u0103 mul\u021bumesc cu fraza asta: \u201eencounter group\u201d-ul este un tip de grup specific psihoterapiei centrate pe persoan\u0103 \u00een care mai mul\u021bi oameni se \u00eent\u00e2lnesc. :). \u0218i cam asta ar fi totul, \u00een esen\u021b\u0103, at\u00e2ta c\u0103 uneori poate exista un terapeut facilitator (hmm… alt cuv\u00e2nt care nu apare in DEX!). Cel la care am participat eu nu era facilitat. Ce am f\u0103cut a fost s\u0103 ne adun\u0103m \u00een fiecare zi (de la 10 la 1, de la 4 la 7, \u0219i apoi, eventual, de la 8 la c\u00e2t rezista fiecare) \u00eentr-o camer\u0103 \u0219i s\u0103 vorbim. Nu prea ne cuno\u0219team \u00eentre noi, \u0219i pentru mine majoritatea erau persoane cu totul necunoscute. Am vorbit despre ce ne-a trecut prin minte \u0219i de cele mai multe ori am vorbit despre lucruri foarte personale \u0219i de c\u00e2teva ori am vorbit chiar despre lucruri foarte intime, adic\u0103 despre ceea ce era cel mai vulnerabil \u00een noi \u00een\u0219ine. Am pl\u00e2ns, am r\u00e2s \u0219i am trecut prin tot felul de emo\u021bii. Dar grupul \u00een sine a fost unul congruent, empatic, \u0219i care a oferit \u00een mod constant \u0219i c\u00e2t se poate de perceptibil acceptare pozitiv\u0103 necondi\u021bionat\u0103. A fost, cu alte cuvinte, un grup terapeutic centrat pe persoan\u0103.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sunt multe de spus despre grupurile terapeutice, \u0219i sunt multe de spus \u0219i despre \u201eencounter group\u201d-uri \u00een general. Ce pot spune despre experien\u021ba mea este c\u0103 a fost una foarte semnificativ\u0103. Unul dintre lucrurile pe care le-am adus \u00een grup a fost tocmai sentimentul meu de ru\u0219ine. Pentru cine \u0219i cum sunt. Pentru c\u0103 am impresia c\u0103 nu sunt niciodat\u0103 de ajuns, c\u0103 nu fac lucrurile suficient de bine, c\u0103 nu depun suficient efort, c\u0103 nu sunt suficient de atent\u0103 fa\u021b\u0103 de ceilal\u021bi \u0219i fa\u021b\u0103 de mine, c\u0103 nu m\u0103 exprim suficient de clar \u0219.a.m.d.. C\u0103 nu sunt de ajuns. \u0218i ce este absolut minunat la un grup este c\u0103 este mult mai u\u0219or de crezut.<\/p>\n

Mi se mai \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 s\u0103 mai vorbesc cu c\u00e2te cineva despre persoana mea profund\u0103, care sufer\u0103 \u0219i este vulnerabil\u0103 \u0219i care de cele mai multe ori \u00ee\u0219i dore\u0219te doar acceptare \u0219i \u00een\u021belegere din partea celorlal\u021bi. Dac\u0103 \u00een acele situa\u021bii primesc acceptare \u0219i \u00een\u021belegere din partea persoanei cu care vorbesc, este minunat. M\u0103 sprijin\u0103, m\u0103 alin\u0103, m\u0103 u\u0219ureaz\u0103 \u0219i m\u0103 bucur\u0103. Dar undeva acolo, ascuns\u0103 bine dup\u0103 cotloane alambicate, st\u0103 la p\u00e2nd\u0103 \u00eendoiala: \u201eda, bine, bine, e \u00een regul\u0103 s\u0103 fiu eu cu toate neputin\u021bele \u0219i lucrurile mele fragile cu acea persoan\u0103, dar \u00eenseamn\u0103 asta oare c\u0103 pot s\u0103 generalizez?…\u201d. Ei bine, lucrul \u0103sta \u00eentr-un grup nu prea se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103. Pentru c\u0103 dac\u0103 mai mul\u021bi oameni \u00ee\u021bi zic \u00een acela\u0219i timp c\u0103 e\u0219ti cherchelit, te duci s\u0103 dormi. C\u00e2nd mai mul\u021bi oameni mi-au zis c\u0103 persoana mea fragil\u0103 \u0219i vulnerabil\u0103 este pentru ei valoroas\u0103 \u0219i drag\u0103, i-am crezut (\u00een cele din urm\u0103). \u0218i a devenit atunci mult mai u\u0219or s\u0103 m\u0103 accept eu \u00eens\u0103mi cu toat\u0103 vulnerabilitatea mea.<\/p>\n

M\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc acum la acceptarea de sine, \u0219i la valorizarea de sine. Eu una am stat cam prost la capitolul \u0103sta, \u00een mai multe privin\u021be. \u0218i st\u00e2nd prost am avut nevoie de mult timp s\u0103 le construiesc. Am avut nevoie de mai multe experien\u021be de-a lungul timpului care s\u0103 mi le confirme – situa\u021bii \u00een care evaluarea mea asupra felului meu de a fi \u0219i de a face lucrurile era nerealist\u0103, sub ceea ce era de fapt cazul, \u0219i \u00een care mi-am dat seama de acest lucru. Un exemplu de astfel de experien\u021b\u0103 ar fi atunci c\u00e2nd mi-am dat seama c\u0103 p\u0103rerea mea este c\u0103utat\u0103 de colegii mei. Din propria lor ini\u021biativ\u0103. Pentru c\u0103 a\u0219a vor ei. Asta \u00eensemna c\u0103 p\u0103rerea mea nu era at\u00e2t de lipsit\u0103 de valoare, de nesemnificativ\u0103 sau redundant\u0103, pe c\u00e2t o credeam eu a fi pentru ceilal\u021bi. Doar c\u0103 acea experien\u021b\u0103, de una singur\u0103, nu ar fi schimbat mare lucru. Am avut nevoie de mai multe altele de genul \u0103sta ca s\u0103 \u00eenv\u0103\u021b s\u0103 nu mai plec de la premisa c\u0103 eu nu aduc neap\u0103rat ceva valoros \u00een lume. \u0218i nu vorbesc acum de \u00eenv\u0103\u021bare cognitiv\u0103, pentru c\u0103 la nivel ra\u021bional \u0219tiam asta de mult (e logic pentru mine, pentru c\u0103 asta cred \u00een esen\u021b\u0103 despre to\u021bi oamenii)<\/span>. Vorbesc de o \u00eenv\u0103\u021bare cu tot organismul, care m\u0103 implic\u0103 de la cum g\u00e2ndesc, la cum vorbesc, ce simt, cum m\u0103 mi\u0219c \u0219i ce postur\u0103 am. Organismic\u0103, cum spune Rogers – profund\u0103, care m\u0103 str\u0103bate p\u00e2n\u0103-n ADN dac\u0103 se poate.<\/p>\n

Probabil c\u0103 o s\u0103 mai am \u00eenc\u0103 mult timp nevoie de experien\u021be dintr-astea, care s\u0103 mai adauge c\u00e2te o c\u0103r\u0103mid\u0103 la castelul \u00eencrederii mele \u00een mine (ce poezie!).\u00a0Dar participarea mea la encounter group-ul de luna trecut\u0103 a fost una care a pus cam un r\u00e2nd \u00eentreg de c\u0103r\u0103mizi deodat\u0103, dac\u0103 nu mai mult. Asta este una dintre puterile minunate ale grupului. \u00centr-un grup, cresc \u00eentr-o s\u0103pt\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2t a\u0219 cre\u0219te \u00een mod normal \u00een vreun an sau mai mult.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Dar s\u0103 revin la ce spuneam la \u00eenceputul articolului, despre faptul c\u0103 de data asta am ales s\u0103 scriu f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 preg\u0103tesc \u00eenainte. Mi-am dat seama c\u0103 eram at\u00e2t de preocupat\u0103 de rigurozitatea viitorului meu articol \u00eenc\u00e2t nu apucam de fapt s\u0103 \u00eel scriu. Teama de a m\u0103 prezenta lumii \u00eentr-un mod imperfect m\u0103 \u00eempiedica s\u0103 ac\u021bionez. Faptul c\u0103 n-am citit \u00eenainte c\u00e2teva tratate \u0219tiin\u021bifice pe subiect (\u0219i mai bine ar fi fost s\u0103 fi realizat \u00een plus \u0219i o cercetare) m\u0103 f\u0103cea s\u0103 m\u0103 simt nepreg\u0103tit\u0103, descoperit\u0103, vulnerabil\u0103. \u0218i ca s\u0103 fiu sincer\u0103, de fapt m\u0103 simt \u00een continuare nepreg\u0103tit\u0103 s\u0103 scriu articolul despre congruen\u021b\u0103 \u00eenainte s\u0103 termin cartea pe care am \u00eenceput-o \u0219i care o dezbate din mai multe perspective – acum scriu ceva pe care m\u0103 simt destul de sigur\u0103, \u0219i anume propria mea experien\u021b\u0103. \u0218i tocmai am scris fraza asta ca s\u0103 ar\u0103t c\u0103 \u0219tiu ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103, s\u0103 m\u0103 acop\u0103r. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Sunt cel mai drastic critic al meu, pentru c\u0103 \u00een felul acesta m\u0103 protejez de poten\u021biale suferin\u021be. Dac\u0103 sunt inacceptabil\u0103 pentru mine e mai u\u0219or s\u0103 simt asta din partea altora. Un alt avantaj ar fi c\u0103 astfel m\u0103 \u021bin mereu \u00een priz\u0103 \u0219i \u00eencerc mereu s\u0103 evoluez. Sunt \u0219i pericole, \u00eens\u0103. Pot foarte u\u0219or s\u0103 cad \u00eentr-o extrem\u0103 \u0219i nimic din ceea ce fac s\u0103 nu mai fie suficient, \u0219i s\u0103 m\u0103 concentrez at\u00e2t de mult pe criteriile pe care trebuie s\u0103 le \u00eendeplinesc \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 pierd leg\u0103tura cu mine, cu nevoile mele \u0219i cu voin\u021ba mea profund\u0103. \u00cen ultima vreme am \u00eenceput s\u0103-mi dau seama totu\u0219i c\u0103 exist\u0103 \u0219i c\u0103i mai frumoase \u0219i mai eficiente de evolu\u021bie, \u0219i de a fi pur \u0219i simplu. Dac\u0103 nu mai depun efort s\u0103 m\u0103 protejez, pot s\u0103 canalizez efortul acela \u00eenspre \u00eenv\u0103\u021bare \u0219i ac\u021biune constructiv\u0103. Asta presupune s\u0103 m\u0103 simt \u00een largul meu cu mine a\u0219a cum sunt, cu at\u00e2t c\u00e2t reu\u0219esc s\u0103 fac f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 sacrific, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 tai din mine. S\u0103-mi permit s\u0103 mai gre\u0219esc, pentru c\u0103 gre\u0219eala nu este ceva ce m\u0103 condamn\u0103 definitiv, ci ceva care face parte din procesul de \u00eenv\u0103\u021bare, sau care apare atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eemi ignor anumite nevoi. S\u0103 m\u0103 accept cu vulnerabilitatea \u0219i nevoile mele \u0219i s\u0103 cred \u00een mine. \u0218i \u0219tiu c\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd \u00eemi dau libertatea s\u0103 fiu a\u0219a cum sunt pot s\u0103 fac lucrurile mai u\u0219or, s\u0103 cresc mai u\u0219or \u0219i s\u0103 fiu mai aproape de cei din jurul meu.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Scriu asta acum \u0219i \u00eemi dau seama c\u0103 este ceva ce voi avea mereu nevoie s\u0103-mi amintesc. Voi avea mereu nevoie s\u0103 m\u0103 opresc un pic din iure\u0219ul \u00een care intru atunci c\u00e2nd cred c\u0103 nu sunt \u0219i fac suficient, s\u0103 trag aer \u00een piept, s\u0103 m\u0103 ascult, \u0219i s\u0103 m\u0103 m\u00e2ng\u00e2i cu drag pe cap spun\u00e2ndu-mi c\u0103 sunt \u0219i fac bine. S\u0103 renun\u021b la \u00eencle\u0219tare \u0219i s\u0103 am \u00eencredere c\u0103 voi fi bine.<\/p>\n

Fac o mic\u0103 parantez\u0103 acum, pentru c\u0103 mi-a venit \u00een minte experien\u021ba de a \u00eenv\u0103\u021ba s\u0103 stau \u00een echilibru pe o bar\u0103 (destul de \u00eengust\u0103), st\u00e2nd cu genunchii \u00eendoi\u021bi. Trebuia s\u0103 m\u0103 urc ajut\u00e2ndu-m\u0103 \u0219i de m\u00e2ini, \u0219i la un moment dat trebuia s\u0103 dau drumul m\u00e2inilor, \u0219i s\u0103 m\u0103 sprijin doar pe v\u00e2rfurile picioarelor. Nu reu\u0219eam. Puteam s\u0103-mi desprind una dintre m\u00e2ini, dar nu \u0219i cealalt\u0103, pe care o \u021bineam cu \u00eenver\u0219unare str\u00e2ns\u0103 de bar\u0103, \u0219i m\u0103 dezechilibram foarte repede. P\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd m-am g\u00e2ndit la un moment dat c\u0103 dac\u0103 a\u0219 c\u0103dea probabil m-a\u0219 lovi un pic, dar nu neap\u0103rat. Mi-am luat atunci inima \u00een piept \u0219i mi-am pus \u00eencrederea \u00een corpul meu \u0219i mi-am dat drumul de la m\u00e2n\u0103. \u0218i nu numai c\u0103 nu am c\u0103zut, dar am \u0219i \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat s\u0103 stau \u00een echilibru. \u0218i am mai \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat c\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd sunt relaxat\u0103 \u0219i am \u00eencredere \u00een capacit\u0103\u021bile mele m\u0103 descurc mult mai bine \u0219i mai u\u0219or dec\u00e2t atunci c\u00e2nd m\u0103 tem \u0219i m\u0103 \u00eenver\u0219unez.<\/p>\n

\u00cemi dau seama c\u0103 am scris mult, \u0219i probabil nu am fost claritatea \u00een persoan\u0103. Sunt \u00eens\u0103 bucuroas\u0103 c\u0103 am scris \u0219i bucuria asta e mai puternic\u0103 acum dec\u00e2t grija c\u0103 poate ceea ce am scris nu este suficient de bun. Dar \u00eemi propun s\u0103 perseverez, \u0219i s\u0103 mai scriu articole \u0219i pe alte teme, \u00eenainte s\u0103 termin seria de articole dedicate conceptelor de baz\u0103 \u00een teoria psihoterapiei centrate pe persoan\u0103 (planul ini\u021bial era s\u0103 acop\u0103r \u00eent\u00e2i teoria, \u00een esen\u021ba ei, \u0219i abia apoi s\u0103 trec \u0219i la alte subiecte). S\u0103 nu mai duc rigurozitatea la extrem \u0219i s\u0103 am \u00eencredere c\u0103 articolele mele vor deveni cu timpul din ce \u00een ce mai bine scrise – sau dac\u0103 nu, \u00ee\u0219i vor atinge totu\u0219i scopul: de a exprima pasiunea mea pentru psihoterapia centrat\u0103 pe persoan\u0103. \ud83d\ude42<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

P.S.: Se apropie Anul Nou, a\u0219a c\u0103 v\u0103 doresc un an bun \u0219i \u00een care s\u0103 fi\u021bi mai sinceri \u0219i mai bl\u00e2nzi cu voi \u00een\u0219iv\u0103, s\u0103 v\u0103 accepta\u021bi pozitiv necondi\u021bionat!<\/p>\n

P.S.2: Dac\u0103 v\u0103 \u00eentreba\u021bi \u00een ce context am \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat eu s\u0103 stau \u00een echilibru pe bar\u0103, v\u0103 spun c\u0103 eram la un curs de parkour, \u021binut de Reborn Education<\/a>. Parkour-ul este o alt\u0103 pasiune a mea (chiar dac\u0103 nu \u00eel practic cu frecven\u021ba pe care mi-as dori-o)<\/span>, \u0219i am g\u0103sit la el multe lucruri \u00een comun cu psihoterapia centrat\u0103 pe persoan\u0103. A\u0219a c\u0103 o s\u0103 mai tot apar\u0103 prin articolele mele.<\/p>\n

P.S.3: Mi-a fost greu s\u0103 g\u0103sesc un titlu pentru articolul \u0103sta. (Criticul meu pufne\u0219te \u00een continuare, nemul\u021bumit.) Una dintre variantele care mi-a venit \u00een minte a fost \u201eAcceptarea de sine – pentru c\u0103 merit\u0103m!\u201d \ud83d\ude42 \u0218i alta: \u201eAcceptarea de sine – un leap of faith<\/em>\u201d – prilej cu care am descoperit cu surprindere c\u0103 de fapt conceptul se trage de la Kierkegaard<\/a>! (\u0219i nu din Assassin’s Creed… … …)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

N-am mai scris niciun articol de la sf\u00e2r\u0219itul lui octombrie. \u00cencepusem s\u0103 scriu despre congruen\u021b\u0103, av\u00e2nd \u00een plan o serie de trei articole pe aceast\u0103 tem\u0103. Nu am renun\u021bat la plan. Dar am renun\u021bat – de data aceasta – de la a scrie un articol pe care s\u0103-l fi preg\u0103tit cu mult timp \u00eenainte. De … Continue reading Acceptarea de sine (ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine, de exemplu)<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Mi-am dat seama c\u0103 m\u0103 cantonam prea mult \u00een regulile pe care mi le stabilisem pentru mine. A\u0219a c\u0103 am scris un articol despre asta, \u0219i despre ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine, concret, acceptarea de sine.","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[32],"tags":[33,22,15,35,34,10,36],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nAcceptarea de sine (ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine, de exemplu) - Ozana Miron<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Din procesul meu interior, despre ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine acceptarea de sine - cu referire \u00een mod special la felul \u00een care scriu articolele. \u00a0\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/ozanamiron.ro\/blog\/acceptarea-de-sine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Acceptarea de sine (ce \u00eenseamn\u0103 pentru mine, de exemplu) - 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