{"id":122,"date":"2016-09-02T18:07:59","date_gmt":"2016-09-02T15:07:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ozananitulescu.ro\/blog\/?p=122"},"modified":"2020-02-13T17:27:36","modified_gmt":"2020-02-13T15:27:36","slug":"increderea-in-tendinta-la-actualizare","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ozanamiron.ro\/blog\/increderea-in-tendinta-la-actualizare\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00cencrederea \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mi se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 uneori s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eengrijorez cu privire la anumite persoane care trec prin perioade dificile, fie c\u0103-mi sunt sau nu clien\u021bi. Oare vor fi bine? Vor ie\u0219i triumf\u0103tori \u0219i lumino\u0219i din tumultul lor? M\u0103 fr\u0103m\u00e2nt o vreme \u0219i m\u0103 confrunt inevitabil cu propria mea neputin\u021b\u0103, dar \u00eemi aduc apoi aminte\u00a0de tendin\u021ba la actualizare<\/a>. Da, vor fi bine, pentru c\u0103 este \u00eentr-un fel \u00een natura lor s\u0103 fie bine, s\u0103 ajung\u0103 la cea mai bun\u0103 variant\u0103 de fiin\u021bare pentru ele \u00een condi\u021biile date, \u0219i pentru c\u0103 au mult mai multe resurse dec\u00e2t cele implicate \u00een sau atinse de situa\u021bia dificil\u0103. M\u0103 \u00eendrept atunci din spate \u0219i privesc cu convingere \u00eenainte, \u0219i trec de la \u00eengrijorare \u0219i neputin\u021b\u0103 la \u00eencredere \u0219i ac\u021biune – ceea ce pot face eu are sens \u0219i importan\u021b\u0103, oric\u00e2t de pu\u021bin ar fi sau mi s-ar p\u0103rea mie.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Nu este vorba despre \u00eencredere oarb\u0103 \u00een providen\u021b\u0103 \u0219i nici de optimism exagerat, nerealist. Nu m\u0103 culc pe o ureche \u0219i a\u0219tept pur \u0219i simplu ca lucrurile s\u0103 se \u00eent\u00e2mple cum s-or \u00eent\u00e2mpla, cu un z\u00e2mbet (t\u00e2mp)<\/span> pe fa\u021b\u0103. Nu este o atitudine pasiv\u0103 \u0219i nici naiv\u0103. Dimpotriv\u0103. C\u00e2nd am \u00eencredere \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare a unei persoane sunt mult mai \u00een contact cu realitatea \u0219i recunosc de fapt c\u0103 ceea ce v\u0103d eu la\/din acea persoan\u0103 \u00een acel moment este doar o parte din ceea ce este ea cu totul. Psihoterapia centrat\u0103 pe persoan\u0103 se nume\u0219te astfel tocmai din acest motiv. Nu este psihoterapie centrat\u0103 pe problem\u0103, pe proces, pe rela\u021bie, pe simptom sau pe orice altceva tocmai pentru c\u0103 exist\u0103 \u00eencrederea \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare, care se refer\u0103 la persoana ca \u00eentreg<\/a> – nu ca o parte anume sau ca\u00a0sum\u0103 a p\u0103r\u021bilor<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Tendin\u021ba la actualizare<\/a> este o for\u021b\u0103 vital\u0103 inerent\u0103, care ne \u00eempinge mereu spre a ne \u00eendeplini poten\u021bialul, spre a ac\u021biona \u0219i a fi \u00een cel mai prielnic mod. Este mereu activ\u0103, chiar dac\u0103 doar \u00een fundal, \u0219i este parte a tendin\u021bei formative –\u00a0spre dezvoltare, spre o mai mare complexitate, ordine \u0219i inter-rela\u021bionare. Pentru Rogers, tendin\u021ba la actualizare este singura for\u021b\u0103 motiva\u021bional\u0103, este la baza tuturor ac\u021biunilor noastre \u0219i ne \u00eempinge spre cre\u0219tere<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Ea se bazeaz\u0103 pe o concep\u021bie dinamic\u0103 asupra persoanei – mereu \u00een mi\u0219care, mereu \u00een timp, vie. Este tendin\u021ba de a fi \u00een prezent, la zi cu schimb\u0103rile interioare \u0219i exterioare, ac\u021bion\u00e2nd \u00een concordan\u021b\u0103 cu condi\u021biile de acum \u0219i nu de acum ceva vreme. Avem nevoie \u0219i de stabilitate, de lucruri valabile pentru mai mult timp; \u00eens\u0103 atunci c\u00e2nd ele nu mai sunt potrivite cu ce se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 acum, c\u00e2nd sunt \u00eenvechite, apare incongruen\u021ba \u0219i este nevoie s\u0103 ne actualiz\u0103m. S\u0103 schimb\u0103m ceva, oric\u00e2t de pu\u021bin, ca s\u0103 fim mai bine adapta\u021bi, mai bine potrivi\u021bi cu lumea \u00een care tr\u0103im, cu corpul pe care \u00eel avem, cu persoana care suntem.<\/p>\n

De cele mai multe ori actualizarea se produce destul de lin \u0219i de rapid. De exemplu, c\u00e2nd reperele pe care m\u0103 bazam ca s\u0103 ajung undeva s-au schimbat – s-a d\u0103r\u00e2mat o cl\u0103dire, s-a construit alta, s-a schimbat configura\u021bia str\u0103zilor – am c\u00e2teva momente de confuzie, nesiguran\u021b\u0103, dezorientare. \u00cemi dau seama apoi ce \u0219i cum s-a schimbat \u0219i pe unde trebuie s\u0103 o iau ca s\u0103 ajung unde \u00eemi doresc – \u00eemi actualizez harta mental\u0103 \u00een a\u0219a fel \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 se potriveasc\u0103 cu cea fizic\u0103 – \u0219i totul se petrece de regul\u0103 \u00een doar c\u00e2teva minute.<\/p>\n

Alteori actualizarea este un proces anevoios \u0219i de durat\u0103 mai lung\u0103 (desigur, ne actualiz\u0103m mereu, chiar \u0219i prin simplul fapt c\u0103 ni se schimb\u0103 celulele \u00een corp, de pild\u0103, dar m\u0103 refer la perioadele \u00een care procesul vine \u00een prim-plan, c\u00e2nd devine o necesitate). Trecerea dintr-o etap\u0103 de v\u00e2rst\u0103 \u00een alta este un proces de actualizare. Pierderea sau apari\u021bia unei persoane apropiate necesit\u0103 o actualizare. La fel \u0219i schimbarea domiciliului, sau a locului de munc\u0103, sau trecerile prin experien\u021be semnificative (pozitive sau nu). Orice schimbare (mai ales una major\u0103) a felului \u00een care ne tr\u0103im via\u021ba cere ca acea schimbare s\u0103 fie perceput\u0103, \u00een\u021beleas\u0103, acceptat\u0103 \u0219i integrat\u0103 (\u00een self-concept; s\u0103 putem spune ceva despre ea ca f\u0103c\u00e2nd parte din noi).<\/p>\n

\u00cencrederea \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare a unei persoane este de fapt \u00eencrederea c\u0103 acea persoan\u0103 este cea mai \u00een m\u0103sur\u0103 s\u0103 fac\u0103 alegeri spre binele ei, pentru c\u0103 este \u00een natura ei s\u0103 fac\u0103 acest lucru \u0219i pentru c\u0103 ea \u0219tie cel mai bine care este acel \u201ebine\u201d – dispune de cele mai multe informa\u021bii \u0219i\u00a0este factor de decizie.<\/p>\n

De cele mai multe ori am tendin\u021ba s\u0103 uit lucrul acesta. (Uit, pentru c\u0103 m\u0103 cred, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103-mi prea dau seama de asta, buricul p\u0103m\u00e2ntului; \u0219i pentru c\u0103 emo\u021biile \u0219i detaliile \u00eemi iau de obicei ochii)<\/span>\u00a0Atunci c\u00e2nd cineva \u00eemi poveste\u0219te o \u00eent\u00e2mplare, cu c\u00e2t m\u0103 afecteaz\u0103 (emo\u021bional) mai mult, cu at\u00e2t sunt mai tentat\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 concentrez pe \u00eent\u00e2mplarea cu pricina \u0219i pe acea parte din persoana din fa\u021ba mea pentru care \u00eent\u00e2mplarea este \u00een mod special relevant\u0103.<\/p>\n

Dau un exemplu din alt\u0103 categorie. V\u0103d un cer\u0219etor pe strad\u0103. De cele mai multe ori, este ne\u00eengrijit, cu igien\u0103 precar\u0103, singur sau cu cineva mai n\u0103p\u0103stuit dec\u00e2t el, \u0219i pare cu totul neputincios sau la cap\u0103tul puterilor \u0219i lovit de soart\u0103. \u00cel v\u0103d pentru c\u00e2teva minute cel mult \u0219i apoi pleac\u0103. Uit foarte u\u0219or c\u0103 de fapt omul acela are o via\u021b\u0103 a lui, complex\u0103 \u0219i \u00eentreag\u0103, cu o gam\u0103 larg\u0103 de emo\u021bii, cu activit\u0103\u021bi diverse, cu al\u021bi oameni cu care rela\u021bioneaz\u0103. Nu spun c\u0103 ar fi o via\u021b\u0103 pe care s-o invidiez, sau c\u0103 lucrurile pe care le exprim\u0103 despre el nu ar fi adev\u0103rate. Spun c\u0103 de cele mai multe ori v\u0103d \u00een acel om doar un aspect al lui, \u0219i \u00eel reduc la asta, \u0219i la acel moment din timp. Nu v\u0103d \u00een el dec\u00e2t neputin\u021ba, sau am\u0103r\u0103ciunea, sau s\u0103r\u0103cia.\u00a0\u0218i atunci \u00eentrebarea \u201ecu ce \u00eel pot ajuta eu pe omul acesta?\u201d devine c\u00e2t un munte de mare, pentru c\u0103 nu pot s\u0103-i schimb realitatea dup\u0103 cum judec eu c\u0103 ar fi mai bine pentru el – asta a\u0219 avea tendin\u021ba s\u0103 fac.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00cen schimb, dac\u0103 \u00eemi aduc aminte c\u0103 el este o persoan\u0103 \u0219i nu o stare, \u0219i c\u0103 felul \u00een care \u00ee\u0219i tr\u0103ie\u0219te via\u021ba depinde de cu mult mai mul\u021bi factori dec\u00e2t \u00eemi pot eu \u00eenchipui – at\u00e2t exteriori, c\u00e2t \u0219i interiori – \u0219i c\u0103 \u021bin\u00e2nd cont de toate, el caut\u0103 s\u0103 fie \u00een cea mai bun\u0103 ipostaz\u0103 posibil – atunci dintr-odat\u0103 pot s\u0103 am \u00eencredere \u00een capacitatea lui de a-\u0219i duce via\u021ba spre bine, din punctul lui de vedere. \u0218i atunci pot fi \u0219i de folos, pentru c\u0103 ajutorul meu este doar o mic\u0103 parte din ceea ce prime\u0219te el \u00een total.<\/p>\n

Fiecare persoan\u0103 cu care m\u0103 \u00eent\u00e2lnesc este altfel, \u0219i rela\u021biile mele cu fiecare sunt diferite. Dar tendin\u021ba la actualizare exist\u0103 \u00een to\u021bi. \u0218i atunci, c\u00e2nd ascult pe cineva povestindu-mi o \u00eent\u00e2mplare cu mare \u00eenc\u0103rc\u0103tur\u0103 emo\u021bional\u0103, de pild\u0103, dac\u0103 pot s\u0103 v\u0103d \u0219i s\u0103 ascult persoana cu totul (ca \u00eentreg), se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 concomitent dou\u0103 lucruri. \u00cen primul r\u00e2nd, se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 ceva cu mine. Ies din lumea mea mic\u0103 (\u00een care m\u0103 simt buricul p\u0103m\u00e2ntului, \u0219i totul depinde de mine)<\/span> \u0219i devin mai con\u0219tient\u0103 de propria mea individualitate – cine sunt eu. Odat\u0103 cu asta, devin \u00een stare s\u0103 recunosc \u0219i diferen\u021ba dintre mine \u0219i cel\u0103lalt \u0219i astfel pot s\u0103 parcurg distan\u021ba dintre noi, folosindu-mi empatia. \u00cen fine, ce se mai \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 este c\u0103 \u00een felul acesta simt c\u0103 pot s\u0103 respect cu adev\u0103rat persoana din fa\u021ba mea, s\u0103 o pre\u021buiesc.\u00a0\u0218i atunci c\u00e2nd pot s\u0103 fac asta, s\u0103 fiu a\u0219a, o sprijin \u0219i pe ea s\u0103 se vad\u0103 \u00eentreag\u0103, s\u0103 se mi\u0219te mai liber \u00een lumea proprie, s\u0103 intre \u00een contact cu resurse pe care le are dar de care poate a uitat \u00een acel moment sau de care nu \u0219tia.<\/p>\n

Nu m\u0103 mai blochez din cauz\u0103 c\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n f\u0103r\u0103 op\u021biuni,\u00a0pentru c\u0103 de fapt op\u021biunile sunt mult mai multe \u0219i mai ales nu sunt numai ale mele. Nu m\u0103 mai blochez \u00een acel moment, pentru c\u0103 de fapt totul se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 \u00een timp, este un proces, \u0219i starea de acum va fi inevitabil \u00eenlocuit\u0103 de o alta. Nu m\u0103 mai \u00eencarc cu emo\u021biile \u0219i problemele celuilalt, pentru c\u0103 sunt con\u0219tient\u0103 de diferen\u021bele dintre noi, \u0219i am \u00eencredere \u00een capacitatea lui de a le con\u021bine \u0219i solu\u021biona (\u0219i \u00een a mea de a le duce \u0219i rezolva pe ale mele). Nu mai judec, pentru c\u0103 accept c\u0103 punctul meu de vedere nu este singurul valid \u00eentre noi. Nu-mi mai e team\u0103 c\u0103 gre\u0219elile pe care le fac ar putea avea consecin\u021be grave \u0219i ar strica ceva odat\u0103 \u0219i pentru totdeauna. Sunt \u00een schimb mult mai prezent\u0103 \u00een rela\u021bie, sunt mai creativ\u0103, mai deschis\u0103 (\u0219i la minte \u0219i la suflet), v\u0103d lucrurile mai limpede \u0219i mai aproape de realitate – \u0219i am \u00eencredere.<\/p>\n

Vorbeam cu colega mea Anca G\u0103uc\u0103<\/a> acum ceva vreme \u0219i \u00eemi spunea despre principiul ter\u021bului inclus<\/a> – despre faptul c\u0103 poate exista un \u201e\u0219i\u201d \u00eentre dou\u0103 lucruri aparent ireconciliabile, \u00een loc de \u201esau\u201d: exist\u0103 o realitate mai cuprinz\u0103toare dec\u00e2t ceea ce la o prim\u0103 vedere ar p\u0103rea doar \u00eentr-un fel sau \u00een altul. \u00centotdeauna exist\u0103, cred, realit\u0103\u021bi mai cuprinz\u0103toare – a-mi da seama de lucrul acesta \u0219i a m\u0103 \u00eencrede \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare este ceea ce m\u0103 ajut\u0103 s\u0103 fiu eu \u00eens\u0103mi, s\u0103 m\u0103 exprim, \u0219i s\u0103 fiu prezent\u0103; m\u0103 \u00eempinge c\u0103tre congruen\u021b\u0103 \u0219i m\u0103 ajut\u0103 s\u0103 fiu cu adev\u0103rat al\u0103turi de persoanele cu care rela\u021bionez.<\/p>\n

Uit destul de des lucrurile astea. Dar\u00a0parc\u0103 \u00eemi aduc aminte de ele din ce \u00een ce mai repede de fiecare dat\u0103 – sunt lucruri pe care pot s\u0103 le \u00eenv\u0103\u021b \u0219i s\u0103 le cultiv. A\u0219a c\u0103 am \u00eencredere \u00een propria mea tendin\u021b\u0103 la actualizare \u0219i \u00een capacitatea mea de a ac\u021biona \u00een sensul ei!<\/p>\n

P.S.: Am rev\u0103zut de cur\u00e2nd filmul cu Carl Rogers \u0219i Gloria<\/a>. De fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd ea ajunge \u00eentr-o contradic\u021bie, c\u00e2nd se blocheaz\u0103 \u0219i cere un r\u0103spuns din afar\u0103, el reu\u0219e\u0219te, cu perseveren\u021b\u0103, s\u0103 r\u0103m\u00e2n\u0103 aproape de experien\u021ba ei \u0219i \u00een acela\u0219i timp de ceea ce este ea cu totul, ca persoan\u0103. Nu se pierde cu firea, are r\u0103bdare \u0219i o sprijin\u0103 s\u0103 capete \u00eencredere \u00een propria ei capacitate de a \u0219ti \u0219i de a alege ceea ce este cel mai bine pentru ea.<\/p>\n

Fotografia este luat\u0103 de aici<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mi se \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103 uneori s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eengrijorez cu privire la anumite persoane care trec prin perioade dificile, fie c\u0103-mi sunt sau nu clien\u021bi. Oare vor fi bine? Vor ie\u0219i triumf\u0103tori \u0219i lumino\u0219i din tumultul lor? M\u0103 fr\u0103m\u00e2nt o vreme \u0219i m\u0103 confrunt inevitabil cu propria mea neputin\u021b\u0103, dar \u00eemi aduc apoi aminte\u00a0de tendin\u021ba la actualizare. … Continue reading \u00cencrederea \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":128,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2,32],"tags":[17,18,43,44,29,39],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n\u00cencrederea \u00een tendin\u021ba la actualizare - 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